Being Mr. Character

This was started a long time ago. It's not as easy as I thought it would be. Just like writing a novel. I started that too. But it's not going as well as I would have hoped.

The problem as far as I can tell is me. It's not so much writer's block but more like doubt. A big bad case of it. I thought, seeing as I'm not too shabby at writing short stories that I might find writing a novel not so daunting.

It's worse.

When writing a short story the final manuscript can be significantly different to the original idea. Many of my stories have started out as one thing and become something quite different by the end of it. There is a process. My work changes its own course. An evolution so to speak. I write. Change my mind. Re-write. Scrap the initial idea and write again.

For a short story of up to 10,000 words that's not a problem. Right? Sure. But what about if the process is applied to a novel of between 60-70 thousand words? What then? This is just the problem I am wrestling with at present. It isn't easy to change a document or idea that is 20, 30, 40 thousand words in length. It's grown. And so have the weeds.

If I had all day and every day to write it may not be such a big problem. But I don't have that luxury. As a carer for my wife and son I'm having to juggle all the household chores with my writing. But as my wife is poorly there is a heavier burden on me. I'm not making excuses. That's the way it is. I've dealt with that. It's just that the way I work is not appropriate for my lifestyle. Until I write enough best sellers I am not going to be able to afford someone to come in and look after my wife and son. As wonderful as that would be, allowing me to write, I am a long way off that sort of success. So far.

So what do I do?

Well. I don't know. At present my novel is simply a number of incidents that are unconnected in some way. Sure they may have the same characters but there is no theme. No empathy. No compassion. There is nothing but words. Words are good, of course they are. But it is what we do with them that makes the story mediocre or great. At present I know mine is definitely NOT great but may not be as good as Mediocre.

So if I am to work on the assumption that what works with a short story will most likely work with the novel, then I need to change how I write when it comes to writing a longer piece. I don't think it an efficient way to write up to 10, 20, 30 thousand words only to bin them and start again. I reckon that if I hadn't scrapped my work and started again I would be finished by now. I might even be sending to editors and publishers.

Is it a belief thing? Do I need to believe in what I am creating? Can a man have doubt as a writer? I believe that I need to question my work constantly in order to grow creatively. But if that means breaking it down every few thousand words I don't think I'll get far.

And it's not writer's block. My work lacks substance as a novel. My short stories, I hope, engage the reader. My novel does not.

Not yet.

But that is something I am working on.

I have a number of ideas in a little folder tucked away. Once I have finished my first novel, I will write more. I have enough ideas to keep me going.

I just need to get going. Wish me luck.